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Fulfilling obligations or telling the truth – deep self-care

Fulfilling obligations or telling the truth

By December 13, 2010 June 30th, 2017 Blog post

“It’s easier to become a saint than it is to become a whole human being.” Carl Jung

As I sit here doing my blogging assignment for this week, I am having a hard time focusing because my 92 year old Mom is sitting alone in the next room.  She says, “You don’t need to take care of me.  Do your work.”  I say “okay,” and here I am doing it but not enjoying it as much as usual.

Have you ever let self-imposed obligations keep you from fulfilling your own needs or having fun?

How can we re-frame this dilemma and maybe start simply appreciating that Mom’s in the next room (a rarity) to visit when the time is right?

I have decided to make a daily schedule (a loose one – ‘cause that’s how I am) and let my husband and mother know what it is.  I will fix breakfast and visit with her over the meal.  I will get on my computer for an hour or two after that and do email and other business.  I will then cook when I need to, visit with her over lunch, and then spend 4 hours working.  I can take breaks and check on her every so often.  Then dinner, then maybe another hour on the computer before I settle into a couple of hours with her before bed.  Maybe just reading together.

This may not give me as much time as I would normally like to do other things, but then this is the 5 weeks I have CHOSEN to have my Mom in my home with me.  This will allow me to do what is most important to me at this time in my life.

A few minutes later . . . okay I conveyed this idea.  Everyone likes it!  I told her she can come into my office anytime she wants and ask me if I can take a breather.  She can stay and visit a short while before I get back to work. I know this will work with who my Mom is.

What would work in your situation of self-imposed obligations?  How can you be a kind, giving person, yet not make yourself crazy by not doing what you need and want to do?  Pick on situation in your life and come up with a simple solution in 5 minutes or less.  Try it.  You may need to revise it, come up with another one, or any number of things, but until you get moving it will just feel too big, you will feel stuck and possibly resentful, and you will not be having a good time.

Would love to hear your re-frames and solutions.  You can do it.

Carolyn Ringo

Author Carolyn Ringo

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