who’s in there?
This I know. Grief, anger, sadness, whatever it is that visits us does not mean we are a failure. “If you are not always positive and free of problems there is something wrong with your thinking.” This idea is one of the pervasive ones in our culture, or at least the culture I most often find myself in. Or more accurately, the culture of my most influential years, therefore the beliefs still lurking inside my head.
Since I am grieving the loss of an intimate loving relationship the only thing that would be a failure, or lapse, would be to beat myself up for feeling what I feel. If I am unkind to myself or doing myself harm, then I am not walking my talk. If I can “fall apart” and still love myself, especially in that state, then I consider myself healthy.
If we fall, we don’t need self-recrimination or blame or anger… we need a reawakening of our intention and a willingness to re-commit, to be whole-hearted once again. ~Sharon Salzberg
These are the things I need to remember. Judging myself for not being able to focus many hours a day is not walking my talk. Treating myself as well as I would my own best friend is maturity. “Can you focus on getting things done for one hour a day?” Being a dear friend to myself is wisdom.
Sometimes I fall off the wagon. Sometimes the inner mean girl gets a lick in. Most of the time I ask those wannabe unkind aspects of myself what ideas they have for me, thank them and then take what tidbit of truth was in it and let the rest go.
The key here is to be aware of those inner voices so they are not able to run me unconsciously. Be present enough to stop before doing something harmful and ask myself what I am needing right now. Also asking Sweet Essence for healing and guidance is helpful to me.
I want to say, those mean voices are as soft and subtle as the loving ones. Be aware, stay present. It takes desire, diligence and great love to come clean with yourself and be the gift you are to the world. I’m here for me and for you. This is my commitment. To walk the walk and shine the light on the path for you.
Join the discussion 2 Comments
Hi Carolyn! I zeroed in on your statement about judging yourself for not being able to focus for many hours. This “inability” seems to be common to the “aging” process. I think no one is the same person over time, in fact, aren’t we each changing daily? Comparing oneself to a moving target is a Sisyphean effort. So I want to wake up every morning and ask myself what’s new for today (while drinking that grounding cup of coffee that reminds me the sun will be out somewhere!). Thank you for your blog and your being 🙂
Hi Mary, Thanks for your comment. Aging may be part of it, however when I do get into a flow quite often of working “many hours.” By that I mean 5! lol When I’m in an emotional place 1 is a challenge. If I no longer had to earn money I’d not fret. Not the case. And I agree, we are changing daily – always have been. It is nice to be in a place to know that though! I love you Mary!