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learning to love, “as is”

By March 26, 2016June 30th, 2017Uncategorized

learning to love, “as is”


Why do we sometimes hold such contempt for ourselves and those we know best? I don’t have the answer – but I don’t have to in order to change . My curiosity asks not why, but what? “What is this feeling?” Like learning to follow a new lead on the dance floor, when I allow myself to be in my body, present and relaxed, the rest comes naturally.

I no longer choose to dredge up the past. The past may come up from time to time, and I allow my curiosity to guide me through any learning or new insights; yet on some level the past is irrelevant. The woman looking back at me from the mirror right now is living my life – my wild and precious life!



Selfie taken on hike in Dominguez Canyon recently.

You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. ~ Buddha


Is there contempt, or any disapproval in your eyes as you see yourself in the mirror? Do you contract anywhere in your body when you deeply connect with yourself?


I used to look at myself with such disgust. Thank you Sweet Essence that those sad days are mostly gone. I would say “I’m not perfect,” yet as I age I realize the perfection in everything.

Now I catch my reflection and a warm smile crosses my face. At first this was embarrassing. I was worried about being an egotist.

However, I am indeed my own best friend. I see my foibles, my wrinkles, my warts and all. Rather than wishing those things were different, I have learned to embrace them.

They say familiarity breeds contempt. Are we unable to practice forgiveness with someone who we see so well? Do we look for what needs to change to make them more acceptable to us? Do we look for what needs to change inside ourselves to be more acceptable to ourselves and others?

Start right there. What needs to change in you? Nothing. Be who you are through and through. Love who you are. Accept all of you. When you can do even a little of that, you will be surprised at how much less judgment you have for those closest to you. We normally make up stories about how much more lovable they would be “if only.” “If only,” is the opposite of acceptance.

Does it mean that we will not continue to be better people if we accept ourselves “as is”? Not sure about that word “better,” as I do not believe we need to be fixed. As we develop our capacity for self-compassion and allow life to unfold without our manipulation, life gets so much richer and more free.

Practice – look into your own eyes and see who looks back. Practice loving-kindness with yourself and you will be giving it to the world – and attracting it!


Carolyn Ringo

Author Carolyn Ringo

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