my story
Embracing ‘What Is’ with Compassion – and allowing it to guide my life choices
Radical acceptance of what is changed my life. Depression was all too familiar. I was a leader, I was smart, kind and all the things that one is supposed to be. Yet something was not working. I couldn’t quite get a grip on what I was supposed to be doing with my life. I felt unfulfilled.
I’m good at processing and dropping deeply into emotional material. I have done more self-growth seminars, therapy groups, etc than you can imagine. So why was I flailing?
When I checked out of the world for a year and only spent time in Nature and with myself (and a little with my kind husband) I started listening deeply to what I was telling myself. Can I ever make up stories! And I never knew I could be so unkind until I started hearing how I spoke to myself, or one aspect of myself to another.
When I made mistakes I would judge myself harshly. I would often compare myself to someone who had it “more together” than I did. I had little patience for myself when it took longer than I thought it should to “get over” something, or figure something out.
I decided to hold the mantra (and write it everywhere!): accept what is, let go of what is not. I refuted the self-judgment, I stopped wishing for anything to be different than it was. I have come to believe we do not need fixing; we only need to allow ourselves and our life to unfold into the mystery. I am not saying the power of attraction is not real and helpful, only that it is not effective until we fully accept who/what we are now and what our current relationship to life is.
I began to experience more ease-of-being, more spaciousness, more sweetness in my life. Possibilities began popping up that I could not previously see for myself. I felt clear, grounded, and generally more energetic. And best of all, I quit suppressing aspects of myself that I deemed inappropriate. My wild authentic self is now able to breath and bring me more aliveness.
Since that year, about 7 years ago, I have been through a move to another state, a divorce from my best friend, a bout with avoidance substances, the death of my mother and my 19 year-old dear cat, and a myriad of other things including poverty. Yet I am happier, healthier and more fulfilled than I ever have been. People tell me I am beautiful, and that has never happened! So what’s going on?
I have not only become more fully integrated than I knew possible, I have learned through experience what it means to “be the love I am.” It’s all about love – total freedom through love, through acceptance, through non-judgment. I want to share what I have learned with others. I have always been a teacher sharing my knowledge, now I choose to share the wisdom I know in my body.
PS After sleeping on it 🙂 I had to add this:
I would like to add that before I was willing to take time off for deep healing I had been a workaholic, gotten Lyme Disease, was given Hep C by a nurse error and was chronically ill. I was totally disabled for a while and at one point believed I was dying imminently. After my tenuous recovery I fell back into my old work and stress patterns. I could not maintain. This is when I choose to go for deep healing on every level, which I wrote about above.
You do not need to be dropped to your knees like that before you let go and choose ease and spaciousness in your life – even in the midst of busy-ness!
More about me…
I am a teacher, public speaker, certified life coach, a vision quest guide, and a lover of life!
I enjoy dancing, hiking, gardening, reading, writing, snuggling with my friends and having intimate conversations. I am single and living in the amazing community of the beautiful North Fork Valley in Western Colorado.
I guide women over 50, individually and/or in small groups, in what I call Deep Self-Care. I lead retreats, vision quests, compassionate communication classes, and wisdom walks. Come out and play and find ease-of-being within yourself and your own life.
Email me for an exploratory session* at no charge.
* A 45 minute conversation to see where you are in your life, what you are needing, and if I can be of service. Also to see if it feels like a good fit for both of us.
