A friend told me she was offended by people’s misuse of the language, by swearing, and by how people dress these days. (Me eye rolling)
My first reaction was to feel bad for her, wasting all that energy in such trivia.
But then I took the more compassionate road and asked her how she feels when she perceives offense? Sad, angry, frustrated, disgusted, embarrassed, irritated, distressed…? I suggested that if she truly feels any of these feelings, check into what she may be needing that invites those feelings. Perhaps she is needing to be respected in some area of her life where she imagines she is not, or perhaps she has someone important in her life that she perceives as not considering her sensitivities. (Of course it always starts with self-respect and taking care of oneself, in this case maybe boundaries.)
What is “feeling offended?” It is not a feeling/emotion; I would call it a faux emotion, one that points the finger at someone else. Someone is doing something to you, i.e. offending you.
With this simple inquiry you can begin to unravel your ego. It is the ego which takes things personally, things that are really not personal. If someone swears at you in anger, it MAY be personal. If someone uses words that do not please you in their general conversation, it is not personal. How someone dresses on a date with you MAY be taken personally, but I’d be hard pressed to imagine that someone walking down the street is targeting me by their choice of attire!
Forget diets, forget grandiose pilgrimages, forget tantric sex and the bliss navel of the Universe. See how long you can go without being offended. ~Aaron Silverberg
The ego wants us to think everything is about us. It is not! We can make it so, but how tiring, and in my not so humble opinion, it is a waste of energy. To be offended is to think that I matter that much to anyone that they took the time and energy to be distasteful to ME. It is actually a laughing matter if you can let go of the perception of offense. (And we know how healthy laughing is!)
I used to be offended by the weather. If I planned a hike and it rained I took it personally. The weather!! When I began to accept what is and let go of what is not, realizing that none of it was personal, I freed up a lot of energy and started to enjoy life more.
I invite you to take on this mantra for a week: “It is not personal”. If you find yourself taking something personally, simply notice how you feel and then ask yourself, is this truly directed at me, specifically? How might I feel if I did not take it personally? No right or wrong, just curiosity.
This is simple, and could be a life changer.
