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My Story

 

A story about depression and lack of fulfillment to health and the ability to hold myself and life with equanimity and sweet love.

I was a mess underneath what most people saw.  I was a leader, I was smart, kind and all the things that one is supposed to be.  Yet something was not working.

Depression was all too familiar. I couldn’t quite get a grip on what I was supposed to be doing with my life. I felt unfulfilled.

I’m good at processing and dropping deeply into emotional material.

I had a dysfunctional childhood as did most of us.  Starting in my early twenties I found ways (without much money) to get psychotherapy.  I have done a LOT of it.  Many different types including body-centered awareness.  I have worked in groups, done co-counseling, did one on one somatic work, you name it.   So why was I flailing?

When I was 50 I contracted Lyme Disease, then acute Hep C, and in my healing process was able to check out of the world for a year.  I only spent time in Nature and with myself (and a little with my kind husband) I started listening deeply to what I was telling myself.  Can I ever make up stories!  And I never knew I could be so unkind until I started hearing how I spoke to myself, or one aspect of myself to another.

When I made mistakes I would judge myself harshly.  I would often compare myself to someone who had it “more together” than I did.  I had little patience for myself when it took longer than I thought it should to “get over” something, or figure something out.  (I mean, come on, I’d been teaching compassion communication and then became a spiritual leader.  I should have it together!)

As we become more aware and awake, some of our deeper issues come up, because we have a greater capacity to deal with them with some equanimity.  So if you have more issues coming up than you imagined you had, just maybe it’s because you are actually more awake!

So, during that year I decided to hold the mantra (and write it everywhere!): accept what is, let go of what is not.  I refuted the self-judgment and stopped wishing for anything to be different than it was. Radical acceptance of what is changed my life.  I have come to believe we do not need fixing; we only need to allow ourselves and our life to unfold into the mystery.  I am not saying the power of attraction is not real and helpful, only that it is not effective until we fully accept who/what we are now and what our current relationship to life is.

“Radical Acceptance” changed my life

I began to experience more ease-of-being, more spaciousness, more sweetness in my life. Possibilities began popping up that I could not previously see for myself. I felt clear, grounded, and generally more energetic. And best of all, I quit suppressing aspects of myself that I deemed inappropriate. My wild authentic self is now able to breath and bring me more aliveness.  And bring more light to the world.

Going Forward

Since that year, about 12 years ago, I have been through a move to another state, a divorce from my best friend, pneumonia & shingles, the death of my 19 year-old dear cat, (all at the same time), and a myriad of other things including a short bout with avoidance substances, and poverty.

Yet today I am happier, healthier and more fulfilled than I ever have been. People tell me I am beautiful, and that has never happened! So what’s going on?

Join me in Embracing Your Wisdom Years and I will share with you what I have learned that has worked for me and others in living fully into our own authentic wise woman.

I have not only become more fully integrated than I knew possible, I have learned through experience what it means to “be the love I am.” It’s all about love – total freedom through love, through acceptance, through non-judgment.

Work with me starting in February and I will give you my best to help you become engaged, integrated and in love with your life.

More About My Work History

  • I have been self-employed most of my life and a solopreneur much of that time
  • After running my own business as an Office Management Consultant to Wholistic Health Care Practitioners and teaching seminars throughout the state for several years (Santa Barbara, CA), I founded a Spiritual Community, gave a weekly talk and ran a dynamic organization for 5 years (Durango, CO). During that time I became a Certified Mediator, then trained and became certified as a Life Coach and a Relationship Coach (Northern CA). I developed the business model and ran the leadership branch of The Coaches Training Institute. After a lengthy illness where I was disabled for a year, I served as practice manager for a large integrative medical clinic for 4 years (Northern CA).
  • I became Certified as a Home Funeral Guide (Northern CA). I did a lengthy training to become a Vision Fast Guide, and have led a Women’s Wild Soul Wilderness Quest every year since then (Paonia, CO). I also have continued to teach compassionate communication, as I have for many years.
  • Beginning with the experience of leading a spiritual community I fell in love with ceremony and ritual.  I began officiating weddings and other blessings.  I have also been doing end-of-life planning and helping with the transition onto the next journey out of body.
  • Currently, my purpose is calling me to a vision with passion. I am focusing on sharing wisdom with women, helping them deepen their love and compassion for themselves and this beautiful world. I am excited to start teaching online and soon to include retreats!